Diminishing Choices

I started work last Tuesday in a new and remotely related field from the one I was in.

Many asked why didn't I take a break before starting this a new job. Honestly, I don't see the point of doing that. Will 1,2 or 4 weeks rest really make a big difference? For me, it is all in the mindset and the quicker I immerse myself into this reality, the faster I learn the ropes to survive.

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17248474/

Afterall, I made up my mind and therefore here I am, thrust into a different environment. The problem with me is, I have an innate inability to chat up strangers. First impression matters of course as this is only a precursor of what I can offer. It has not been easy and language is a barrier as well. But at my age, my choices are narrowing fast and I have to place my bet.

I am not exactly young. I have only so many years left before I return to the Lord and I now have a family of my own. How I envy looking at the pre-teen kids I teach in Sunday School. So much potential, such carefree living. I am not surprised that they believe they can somehow live forever.

This is a gamble which some felt I will fail hence many wished me best of luck. But the one thing I learn in life not too long ago is to not let in to fear. Because, the certainty of sticking with the devil you know is the devil you know. The deep blue sea presents opportunities even as we perceive great adversities.

Well, if I do fail, I know at least I tried and put in my best. The difference is, this cannot be a half hearted venture and it is a drawn out process. Failure at the onset cannot be viewed as a total failure. I wonder when will I know a failure is a total failure?

To this, I can only offer myself this chinese proverb, "The boat when it reaches the pier will naturally straighten out."

Source: http://thedesired.net/?cat=31

I wish to say the same to my mom too as she undergoes her chemotherapy. The doctor said her white cell count is too low to take the second shot and she has to go back the next week to do a white cell count. Meanwhile, mom has lost her "crown of glory" and in its place, she wears a headscarf. Also, she has not smiled for some time now and she looked weary and tired. She still scolds the maid for being slow though in doing her work. Hmm... I guess it takes more than one breast removal surgery and chemo shot to weaken her spirit.

I guess she accepted her limited choices and she would want this to be over as soon as possible.