Saturday, 11 December 2010

The Youth is Wasted on the Young

I heard an interesting news yesterday on a 22-year old guy who committed suicide because his ex-gf broke up with him. At the back of my mind, the thing I was thinking was, "The youth is wasted on the young."

Taken from the safety of a sealed window on the 11th floor

The standard thing which many might think like "What about your parents? Have you thought about them?" or "There is a bright future ahead." or even, "There are many fishes out there to fish. Why fret over your ex?"

Actually, aside from reason, we are emotional beings. When sadness overwhelms us, don't we cry? When anger rages inside, don't we go berserk? It is too easy for us to use reasons to justify why one should not commit suicide but to a person emotionally overwhelmed by a sense of loss, do you think they want to hear reasons? Do you think they have not considered all those reasons NOT to die?

My grandpa died 6 months after my grandma. Perhaps he didn't show much affection to her when they are alive (or at least not in public) but his heart was broken when she died. He cried every single night after her death (until his fall in the bathroom which turned him senile). Afterall, they have been together since their teenage years.

I had also secretly and intensely admired someone so for almost 2 years before I shared my feelings for her. Her rejection of my affections (via e-mail), in a cold months of 1998 winter in Adelaide, was too painful to bear. I wanted to talk to somebody, desperately, anybody but when a person you thought was your friend decided to slam the room door at your face because she claimed on pretext she had to study (but clearly, she is avoiding because she thought I had feelings for her) or another whom you thought was a senior decided that solving his homework questions are of utmost importance, what would you do?

Suicide was on my mind actually. I don't have the luxury of doing a 45 minutes countdown via Facebook (it doesn't exist yet) before I jump but clearly, the intent is the same. But the difference is, I let my fear of heights to stop me from jumping. I thought of cutting my wrist but the pain, the pain. I just want to end it quick if I had a choice. So yes, taking pills... taking pills would be easy while I get myself drunk and wallow in my sorrows.

I guess in comparison, at least Alviss Kong had 4 months with his Bin. I only managed to share my feelings.

I didn't die on that cold and lonely night. A vision from God (His hand was holding onto my hand as the world around me collapse) and a random call to somebody (who turned out to be my best friend) I met in cell group (plus the next 6 hours call every night for the next 8 months) actually helped me to get out of the depression I had.

I can only encourage all suicide wannabes to just call somebody, anybody and pour your heart out. And please don't stop at 1 person. Just keep calling and calling. Your friends may not be the most attentive ones but like me, you might meet a stranger who is willing to lend a listening ear.

It is not stupid or silly. Look, having your head smashed and blood splattered all over is a waste. What is spilling your hurt and anger to a listening ear? You may actually end up with a dear friend instead.

The following is a video dedicated by jennysmallghost in remembrance of Alviss Kong. I feel for the deceased and how close it is for me too...

Other postings on the net on Alviss Kong suicide:

- 22 Yrs Old Malaysian Alviss Kong jumped off a building committing suicide after leaving a Facebook Message

- Alviss Kong Left A Facebook Message And Later Committed Suicide: 4 Reasons Why I think He Is Selfish
- A summary of the Alviss Kong tragedy