Envy and Pursue

My friend recently told me he has been offered an attractive position in another organisation where he is tasked to set up a whole new unit of which he will act as the head. I am envious of course considering how far he has come but I am glad he has moved so much further ahead.

Unlike him, I never stayed put in one job for long. In my quest for something better, whatever the better is, I have move around in search of a better paying job with greater challenges. Yet at the same time, I yearn for a slower pace of life where I can achieve some sort of work life balance. I have to admit that wherever I move to, there is much to observe and learn. Yet, with more knowledge comes realisation. The impressions I have as an outsider turn insider more often than not changes for the worse; I realised the shiny and beautiful scenes behind the windows I see as an outsider are actually quite limited, tainted and blurred.

I have made a move or two on the basis of simple greed because I felt compelled by impatience to move forward. Besides, the money is good so why not since I have real needs. In fact, when I first bought my house, I am doubtful if I could afford it then when my salary is not enough to cover my basic expenses and at that time, I relied heavily on balance transfers to make do until year end bonus to end up with a clean slate. I know I can be reckless but looking back, I am quite glad I made that impulse buy back then.


Anyway, my other friend once told me that he only makes a move if it is a upward progression as he strongly believes horizontal moves would only provide short term gains. With many changed jobs later and a little reflection, I guess my accidental self experiment proves that point somewhat. I hate it when I recall the I-have-more-experience-in-life look of my everknowing dad repeating that old adage, "A rolling stone gathers no moss" over dinner.

Yet the conflict inside me often makes me wonder if I am at the right position where I am today. Am I doing the right job which long term prospect in mind? I am of course tired of jumping here and there. I don't like the "new guy" label too with all the happy introductions when what I really want to do is just get the job done and go on and do what I want to do; a bit anti-social I must say.

My boss recently told me my next step in progression upwards. Technically, I am better than most people at my current job level in my organisation. But for me to make the next step, I have to step up and take up middle management role. I would have to rely more on my people skills, interaction and dealing with clients i.e. build my own portfolio. Am I truly ready? My heart sort of sank a bit as the room seemed darker and hotter as he uttered those words.

Source: http://www.designedlearning.com/Articles/FeaturedAffiliate/NewsForAChange/Sept1998.htm

I sense he is genuinely grooming and showing concern to me but I can't help but feel somewhat inadequate. The future looked so bleak as I walked to the carpark recollecting the words he spoke to me. Like a blind man reading the stars, where will my future be as I grappled with the surrounding darkness. I have grown comfortable to be lead and to me, the whole aspect of leading is a very fearful prospect. Yet, that is the only progression available from the way he pointed out to me. I wonder if that is really what I want. I wonder if this is an indication of severance under the guise of independence.

Oh well, I just have to walk one step at a time and plan ahead with an umbrella ready should rain start falling. But which path should I take? There are often no road maps and again another adage comes to mind, "Life's a journey, not a destination."

Gosh, I hate adages. What's with these wise people anyway? Do they really have that much free time?