Thursday 27 December 2007

It is legally certified, we are officially 2nd class!

Finally I get to access the Net. I was anxiously waiting for the outcome of the Subashini case to be announced today in Malaysiakini and the Sun when I surfed the Net from office at around 1 p.m. Sadly, the connection was down and I was deeply disappointed. I wondered of all times, why must it be then? Afterall, I really wanted to know if Subashini finally obtained her much deserving justice.

Source: http://www.publiclawcompany.com/00%20Justice%20&%20Symbolism/01%20Scales%20of%20Injustice.htm

Sadly, as I read on, I felt disturbed and sickened by the whole judgement. Yes, no doubt Subashini, as a non-Muslim, received a small token where her civil union is recognised by the High Court even if it is not recognised by the Syariah High Court by virtue of his husband's conversion to Islam. But the same court also ruled she can't stop her husband (which of course in Syariah it is ex-husband) from taking his custody and divorce proceeding case to Syariah courts. To add salt to injury, the husband can go about converting their only unconverted child as neither party can refrain the other from doing so.

I feel very sorry for her. I don't think she is worried about the money issue. It is more of her children. Afterall, if her husband can convert their second son to embrace Islam at 2 years old, it is definitely within the ambit of Syariah to require the child be removed from Subashini's custody. Even if Subashini protests, she has no relief since her husband has converted the child. Despite one of the judge mentioned she should have the right to protest, the other two obviously thought that was inappropriate. This is the most tragic part of the entire judgement. On one hand, the judges ruled the civil courts has exclusive jurisdiction because the civil union came about under the civil law. Yet within the same context it ruled that it cannot stop the husband from seeking redress from Syariah courts which obviously sides the husband because incidentally he is a Muslim. Ultimately, where is the much deserved justice? Is the court basically saying being a Muslim means you have more rights eventhough it is clearly an act of injustice to the aggrieved party which in this case it is clearly Subashini?

I read here that Malaysians should see Saravanan a.k.a. the estranged husband as an opportunist. The same also said he is not fit to be a father. But who is to blame him for taking advantage of the loopholes? Afterall, it is clearly provided in the laws of this land. The drafters must have known this would happen and implicitly allowed for it. The same legislators must also have known it and approved it. So now, what can the courts do? I honestly believe they could rule that these laws are contrary to the spirit of the Constitution. If they have already ruled they have exclusive jurisdiction since all these came about via a civil marriage and another landmark ruling in July (which clearly identified the jurisdiction of civil courts when it concerns a dispute between a Muslim and a non-Muslim), why can't they lead on from there and bar Saravanan from doing any conversion hanky panky until the whole legal custody of the child by the civil court be sorted out? Instead, Subashini has to now live in fear that anytime soon the Syariah court may take her only unconverted son away because somewhere out there, Saravanan may have converted their son by making a statutory declaration with a gleeful smile on his face knowing no one can stop him.

It is very disappointing to see that our courts, the last bastion of hope for the rakyat to seek legal redress, fail them time and time again. To me, it is a basic declaration that we, the non-Muslim, are now legally certified as 2nd class citizens because our only crime is we are not Muslims. I wonder what Lassie will do when confronted with helping the helpless and downtrodden. Somehow, I have an urging to pack my bags and leave this country for good. Must I come to that stage? Sigh...

Wednesday 26 December 2007

When Help is No Help at all

I read with distress when I hear aid being syphoned from its intended recipients. What kind of creature will deprive others of their needs when they themselves are well off? Realising how much more desperate the people in need will now be, I have decided to go shopping tomorrow for a few basic items to be donated to Malaysian Red Crescent Society (MRCS). Why? Because if the suspicions are true, there are many people in need that are not receiving aid and those precious aid sent earlier may have been taken by untrustworthy personnel.

Source: http://www.bikerlawblog.com/index.php/all/2007/03/

So people, if you want to donate, other than cash which can be donated to MRCS (cash donation details click here), there are two places in Klang Valley you can channel your aid. Capt (R) Azhar Lin 0162319750 has left comments in rocky's bru blog on the location of these two collection points. I have posted his comments here for your easy viewing.

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Capt (R) Azhar Lin said...

Hi Everyone,

Lets put our shoulders together, then the burden will not be too heavy.

I was one of the volunteers who in late 2006/early 2007 helped in raising and collecting of some food & other essentials in Klang Valley and arranged with some friends & other volunteers to deliver the goods to those in need. In average, we made about 8 trips, each trip about 10 fully loaded 4x4s & lorries. We operated under the flag of the Malaysian Red Crescent with which we were all registered volunteers but we operated on our own finances down to fuel and breakdown costs. Somehow, the highway authorities showed some compassion by not forcing us to pay the toll charges especially at the areas that were flooded.

Now, a few members have completed some ground surveys to look into the situation at hand but we are working to build up the supplies now, all by word of mouth and via smses so far. MRCS is planning some relief supplies deliveries that may involve us again as I have contacted some MRCS officers on the ground to inform them of our readiness to assist.

One collection centre is situated in Wisma WIM, 7, Jln Hj Abang Openg, Taman Tun Dr Ismail. (Contact : Mr Song @ 012 3988907)

As with last year, we're collecting foodstuff (non-perishable at this point of time) and other goods (baby diapers, clean clothings etc) No cash (Please forward your cash donations to the MRCS, Jalan Ampang)

I will be glad if this message can be freely displayed into other blogs and such. We also welcome corporate sponsors who would like to be present themselves but lack the logistics & planning. We had strong support from Eau Claire mineral water last year, potable water IS an essential commodity in a flooded community, especially for younger children.

Thank you.

Capt (R) Azhar Lin
0162319750

1:13 AM

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Capt (R) Azhar Lin said...

Hi Everyone,

Please find below the address for another collection centre located in Puchong.

Norman Extremeworks Sdn Bhd, No.2, Jln Sri Puchong 2B, Taman Sri Puchong, Bt 12, 47100 PUCHONG, Selangor. (Contact : Mr Norman at 0166000943)

Please feel free to copy and paste this announcements in other BB or blogs.

Thank you.

11:34 AM

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Tuesday 25 December 2007

A Cynic's Hope

Life is never what it seems and one often dreams the impossible. As the years go by, I became more and more cynical because of the hypocrite state this world is in. Yet, somehow, as much as we might hate a hypocrite, we ourselves often forgive ourselves for being one. We have our reasons and rightfully so since you and I are in a state where at times, we need to be a hypocrite in order to survive. Like during the sales meeting, we have to put on a face which is not ourselves to please our client. We may even compromise our ethics because it is the "conservative" thing to do. You know, creating provisions for the rainy days in our accounts which is another name for cooking the books? So when we hear of peace and love, we are happy, because in a fleeting second, perhaps we can have goodwill to all mankind... until the next sales target of course.

Oh well, we have to survive. It is only natural. We are by definition creatures of evolution where survival of the fittest makes perfect sense. Yes, it is no longer a real jungle out there with trees, it is now, made of concrete. Yet why in the world did we evolve a sense of compassion for others? Or warped up concept of justice? And to make matters worse, create an ultimate super being called God which we cannot please with our own double minded actions? Sigh... we are really hypocrites. Perhaps by having God to condemn us in the afterlife, we seek solace when injustice befalls us. Where we see evil people dine and gamble without a care of the world while multitudes starve because they were on the short end of the bargain.

With so much evil in the world, why must we create false hopes of love, goodwill and sharing on a day in the middle of every winter?

Source: http://movies.groups.yahoo.com/group/thenativitystory/

Yet, a child was born 2,000 years ago. Yes, he was not born on 25 December. The whole Christmas celebration was instituted in the 4th century to bring paganism into state sanctioned Christianity. It is no longer a fad in the 4th century to be a pagan, Christian is the "in" label. Yet, why must these Christians celebrate someone's birthday when it not their actual birthday?

The message of Christmas which encompassed hope, love, sharing and goodwill to men is not just a seasonal greeting. This is to celebrate and acknowledge the fact that we, as human kind, failed. Yes, that's right. We failed big time. We failed in being loving to our neighbours, we failed in giving hope to the poor and the weak because by trampling on them, we rise up the social ladder. Goodwill is of course, the "conservative" thing to do when customers and/or your boss demand for it. So what if it is a little white lie, we meant no harm right?

Source: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp

Yet, would these excuses hold up in His court? If we truly believe in justice and at times, we commit something akin to injustice yet we reasoned our circumstances with limited mental capacity, how would such reason hold with an all-knowing God? Will we truly be exempted?

This of course is not our problem. Our immediate problem is the one we need fixing. We can only think of the long term when we have the time. Don't that sound all too familiar?

Yes, the Christmas message serves more as a reminder that we are hopeless. We are full of excuses. And above all, goodwill to men remain false to us so long as we seek solution via our own hypocrite ways. The reason we gave ourselves for our actions may serve us well but will it truly offer the hope, joy, peace, love and goodwill to our neighbours?

Yet, this child, came into the world with the name Emmanuel which means "God with us". Why must he be born? It was said that this child, grown with so much wisdom and knowledge that at 12, he amazed many great religious teachers in Jerusalem. A child prodigy which makes any parents and town folks proud to be associated with but proclamation that he is the Son of God and the long awaited Messiah? No, no. That wouldn't do. He must die, said those same religious teachers. Afterall, on top of proclaiming who He is, He also exposed them of their hypocrisy. It is only natural to silence Him using all the powers and influence they had. And so He died a lowly death vis-a-vis cruxification as it is the "in" thing for the lowliest of criminals. But the story did end there. Surprisingly, many witnesses spoke of His resurrection 3 days later. You see, they saw Him alive and walking and they were astonised. This was of course foretold by him earlier prior to the arrest, persecution and execution. Yet, why must he be born to die? Well, the answer is simple really. It is because we are hypocrites, adulterers, liars, murderers and thieves. Because we cannot stand the sight of a sinless man, we caused Him to die. We are no different from the religious teachers then. We just don't like our charades to be exposed and our lives changed without our permission.

Source: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0085/0085_01.asp

Yup, we deserve eternal death. We really do. Instead, He died in our place. He willing laid His life because He looked not at the short term solution but the long term all encompassing solution. He knew we owe God a lot. We are long overdue. And being the only begotten Son, the 2nd Godhead in the Trinity, His blood is the currency that will satisfy our debts in full.

So do you acknowledge you are a sinner like me? Do you know that the message of hope, love and such are meant to tell us that we can have real goodwill amongst men and above all, real peace with our Maker only via the one person i.e. the child born 2,000 years ago who later died for us? So as we exchange gifts and wish everyone well today, let us not forget the real meaning of Christmas. It is not just about wishing someone well and to ease our conscience by doing good once a year. It is a reminder of who we are and that we should be thankful that we have a solution, not made by us but by provision of a loving and merciful God.

So, merry Christmas to all of you and may you, look into the heavens and pray a silent prayer to ask Him not to tarry any longer.

Thursday 20 December 2007

Chinese Winter Solstice - Dongzhi

Since I am at the topic of festivities, I would like highlight another festival that will be upon us soon. In ancient times, this festival is considered a greater festival than the Chinese Lunar New Year but with the passing of time, it has been reduced to a quiet family affair where one of the most visible sign of this festival is making of tongyuan a.k.a. rice dumplings rolled into balls served in ginger/red bean/whatever soup. Dongzhi falls between 21 to 23 December every year and unlike the Chinese Lunar New Year which falls between January to February, Dongzhi is the only Chinese festival I know of that follows the movement of the Sun.

Source: http://calliefoodblog.blogspot.com/2007/12/dongzhi-festival_25.html

To many people of Chinese origin here in Malaysia, Dongzhi is a non-event thanks to commercialism and infusion of other cultures which predominate our lives (such as those from the West), hence it is not surprising that you will find lesser people of Chinese descent celebrating this festival with each passing year. In fact, one of the strongest sign of people forgetting this festival is simply because it occurs very close to Christmas, which incidentally, was instituted to commemorate the birth of Christ back in the 4th century to replace the many pagan festivals that celebrates the winter solstice. Another reason for the declining popularity of Dongzhi can be traced to the changing working patterns where people back in feudal China don't exactly have weekly rest days except during festivals. People are expected to work the whole year long and they then take long breaks in celebration of the annual festivals.

Raised in a conservative family with steep polytheistic beliefs, Dongzhi is one of those festivals which I am quite accustomed to. Yet at the same time, very little can be said of this festival except that it is the shortest day during winter (something which Malaysia doesn't experience) and that from this day onwards, everyone look forward to spring and of course, lengthening of the day.

Being raised in a conservative family, I always look forward to Dongzhi precisely because all of us have to put our hands together into making the tongyuans. It is not so much of rolling the doughs into the "roundest" glutinous balls (which actually have a meaning to it where it signifies the wholeness of the relationship in a family as well as reunion), but rather it is the act of doing it as a family. Sometimes, when you have little to discuss with your parents or siblings, activities like this helps to build bonds.

Since accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, every Chinese festivals seemed more important to me because it is a reminder of the little time I have left to spend with my parents. Years of built in unhappiness and resentment I had towards my parents are slowly being erased ever since I accepted the Lord into my heart. Like every typical conservative Chinese parents, they are incapable of showing their loving affection towards their children and not being the favourite child, I often felt neglected and forgotten. When I was young, my parents struggled to put food on the table and unlike the many things children of today are blessed with, I often find toys as luxurious items. My favourite toy is actually a paste similar to playdough where I can use to create my own figurines. Thank God for that since I can put those skills to action where I recently made toy figurines for my Sunday School children.

Anyway, without families and friends, festivals are hollow public holidays and rest days. So I wish to take this opportunity to wish you a good Dongzhi family reunion and Merry Christmas as well...:)

Wednesday 19 December 2007

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

As Christmas nears, what reminds you most about this holiday season? Presents? Gifts? Santa? Rudolph? When I was young, I always love this season, not so much because it is about gifts and presents but more of the joy to see how some poor wretched forgotten member of the society gets to receive some gifts out of love from their more well-to-do neighbours. Santa of course epitomised the one person who champions the gift of sharing and the feel good factor makes this one special holiday that stands out above the rest.

Being poor and I don't exactly have much toys, I often envy other children who have big expensive collection of toys. I always wished Santa will deliver me a pressie like Optimus Prime and I once even wrote a letter asking for some presents. How silly right? Being raised in a traditional Buddhist mix Taoist family also don't help much since my desire to celebrate Christmas is as alien to my family as century egg is to those of non-Chinese origin.

Of course, in the past, you can still watch cartoons on national TV that allude to another symbolic meaning of Christmas and it is about a child born 2,000 years ago in Bethlehem. I always remember the larger than life star appearing at the end of a nice story shining down onto the city covered in snow where a child who found hope, love and care as he was homeless and a family decided to take him in for this special occasion. Or that it also show clips of old people bearing gifts visiting a child sleeping on a manger with cows and sheep surrounding him. Somehow, cartoons then can be quite deep unlike senseless cartoons today.

Source: http://www.es.com/products/digital_theater/shows/christmasstar/

I don't really know who this child is until I entered my primary national school where I met people from other religions and races. I learn from my Christian friends that Christmas is not just about Santa, presents and feeling good about being selfless on that special day. It is about celebrating a boy child's birthday by the name of Jesus Christ. He is actually quite a big shot since people worshiped Him. I am not too alien to this concept of course as I am raised in a family steeped in polytheistic beliefs. However, I am only acquainted with Jesus Christ in a personal manner about 10 years ago when I studied in Australia. I realised that Christmas holds a dear meaning to every believer of Jesus Christ because this person bears a terrible future which many would have wished they will never have happened to them or their loved ones. Imagine one is born literally to die for others? Yup, that is Jesus alright.

Source: http://thebiblerevival.com/clipart26.htm

Have you heard of the following song, "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear"? It is quite often sung by carolers during this time of the year. It is a song of hope, about angels singing hope and a future from the glorious King who is none other than Jesus Christ. About the coming peace on earth and good will to men.

It came upon the midnight clear,

That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth
To touch their harps of gold!
"Peace on the earth, good will to men,
From heaven's all gracious King!
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Most carolers may skip the following stanzas or merely repeat the stanza above before switching to other songs. And yet, if the carolers continue singing we actually hear the reality of the present state of the world. The world have not seen peace even with the birth and death of Jesus Christ. The world is still suffering in sin and strife. Man, instead of enjoying peace, enjoys warring with one another. It is as though man hears not the very song of love the angels sang 2000 years ago over the fields in Bethlehem.

Still through the cloven skies they come
With peaceful wings unfurled
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world;
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing.
And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

Yet with te woes of sin and strife
The world hath suffered long;
Beneath the angel-strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The love song which they bring:
O hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing.

And yet, as though somehow the angels themselves are deaf to strive of men, continue to sing of the coming of the Age of Gold, where peace shall be all over the earth. Afterall, the angels sang because they believe there is still hope.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophet bards foretold,
When, with the ever-circling years,
Shall come the Age of Gold;
When peace shall over all the earth
Its ancient splendors fling,
And all the world give back the song
Which now the angels sing.

Source: http://creationwiki.org/Christmas_star

Yes, as I look out the window tonight, I will be looking for the stars, into the heavens waiting for the return of the Glorious King, to usher in the Age of Gold, for I too, believe what the angels sing 2000 years ago.

Tuesday 18 December 2007

SSC delay: Is this another disappointment in the making?

I read this with much trepidation as well as relief. I am relieved the Government decided to postpone the tabling of this controversial Special Complaints Commission ("SSC") bill to next parliament sitting in March 2008 as this bill, in the words of ex-Transparency International Malaysia head Tunku Abdul Aziz Ibrahim, fraudulent in the sense that it utterly lacks independence and powerless to act as guarantor of a first-class, incorruptible and accountable police force. Well, Tunku this is not surprising since our beloved PM has come out with a new slogan, "Support me and I will not disappoint you" now that most, if not all, of his other slogans ring hollow.

Source: http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/stall.asp

Why the trepidation? My fear is primarily founded on timing. Now that we have time to scrutinise it, perhaps, the civil society (including you and I) can make comments about this mutated SSC bill. This is supposed to be good but why must it be postponed further given that it took the Government almost 2 years ago (since agreeing in principle to set up a commission to deal with abuse of power by the police) to come out with a mutated SSC bill that has neither the power, transparency nor independence envisioned by the Royal Commission to Enhance the Operation and Management of the Royal Malaysian Police ("Royal Commission"). Is the Government's decision to postpone the SSC bill founded only on the fact they listen to the concerns of the rakyat or that in fact, there are other hidden agendas? Is this another political spin merely to lull the rakyat to believe that somehow their concerns will be addressed? If that is the case, why didn't the Government do the same when it rushed through the recent constitutional amendment which have wide implications?

I somehow don't believe the sponsors of SSC bill will barge on the aspect where the SSC commissioners are appointed by the PM instead of by Yang Dipertuan Agong on the advice of the PM or the other concern that the members of SSC consist of present chief enforcers of the law from the respective agencies. Why can't the sponsors just change the whole darn SSC bill to an Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission ("IPCMC") bill per the recommendations of Royal Commission to tackle complaints of abuse of power by the police force? Why waste more of the public time and resources to demand the Government put the IPCMC bill into place instead of the mutated SSC bill?

I hope to be proven wrong of course and that some measure of faith in the police force can be restored (with what little left the rakyat have in them). For the sake of this nation, we need check and balance and we certainly need strong unbiased righteous enforcers. If they can't be trusted, who then can? If the PM wants to prove his point and not disappoint us, just sponsor the IPCMC bill and put it into effect.

A Merciful Joke - The Continuation

Well, you may wonder why am I still dwelling on this when I should be writing something on Christmas since it is only days away but I just can't help it. Honestly, I am not sure whether I should laugh or get angry by statements made by our AG.

In today's NST Online under the article, "Gani: It was the fairest thing to do", we read the following comments made by the AG:

"I can be very strict, but I don't think this is the right time to be," he said.

"When we exercise the law, we have to look at it fairly. It is my judgment that this is the fairest thing to do.
"

And his main reason for dropping the murder charges?

The decision to withdraw the charges of attempted murder against the 31 men was the best course of action in light of public and national interest, Attorney-General Tan Sri Abdul Gani Patail said yesterday.

Honestly, does the AG assume that by evoking "in light of public and national interest", somehow we will overlook his gross incompetency? Or that summoning his will to be lenient, he is therefore seen as merciful? I wonder whether he was emotionally charged when he realised an enforcement officer was injured as a result of getting his head bashed with a brick and therefore decided to have a go at the Hindraf 31 by charging them with attempted murder to score some political mileage. If he has simply charge them in court with illegal assembly charges would have been understandable but he has to outdo the village idiot by making the following statements:

"We can't pinpoint who exactly did it or rather who was the one who 'threw the brick' at the person who was badly injured."

Gani said the 31 men were initially charged not because they were alleged to be Hindraf members but because they had committed an offence by participating in an illegal assembly.

Source: http://www.thisshirtrocks.com/Product/Shirts/1553/flippin-idiot.html

Look, Gani if you didn't do your homework and ensure that you have a case to prove beyond reasonable doubt that these Hindraf 31 are the murderers who threw the brick, please don't waste the time and resources of the courts to prove you are an emotionally charged idiot. Can't you differentiate between participation in an illegal assembly and murder attempt?

Monday 17 December 2007

When 6000 = 140000

It is the caring party at work again. You know, the Lassies? It is unsurprising that you will only hear their distant yapping once or twice every four to five years. Afterall, there are only so many people one can help and Lassie, being Lassie, she, or rather he, would need to be the main spotlight for the show.

Anyway, today, our beloved national paper, which goes with the slogan, "The People's Paper", published a heart wrenching story about the Klang MP riled up as the local district office delayed in using her MP's allocation to rebuild a community hall in Kampung BlackWater. Apparently, she asked for answers why they failed to disburse her special MP allocation for 2 years but this district office reply has been found unsatisfactory. The same story was repeated by our oldest newspaper where the version presented is slightly different. They highlighted that Dr Tan Yee Kew (the infamous lady suspended for a MCA fraca not too long ago for 6 long months) requested for allocation but the district office didn't think it is a priority for them. But both reported that this MP is fed up and she will be applying for emergency allocation from the Government to rebuild this dilapidating hall at an estimated cost of RM140,000. So why is this hall so special? Apparently, this hall was used as a site for a kindergarten for children of ex-estate workers. Later, she went and donated monies about RM200 to each family in that village. NST even reported the actual number of recipient (30 families) and to top it off she arranged for electricity to be supplied to two houses.

Source: http://www.wingtv.net/issue2/issue2.html

One must applaud them for trying. Afterall, I am quite sure these 30 families are very happy with the extra money. The same must be said for the families occupying the two houses receiving electricity. But I wonder did they ever ask why it took her 2 years to notice they didn't get a renovated hall (not like it has changed since then)? Or that have they ever wondered why coincidentally, 2 years later, she somehow finds her way to this village and start making a big fuss by pointing fingers at the lack of development this village sorely deserves? To be fair, if she has made a quarterly follow-up or assign one of her special task force personnel to look into this issue, I am quite sure the special allocation would have been made long ago. Afterall, why wait till 2 years later to take note especially when election is around the corner? Anyway, I wonder why she gave RM200 to each family in that village. Is this her way of indirectly atoning for the sins of forgetfulness and neglect for not able to deliver her promise to get the hall rebuilt two years ago? As it is, all the villagers got to show are extra RM200 in their pockets and perhaps, a bit of lighting, TV and radio for sound to drown the silence of the night, and the same old dilapidating hall around the corner. Has anything really changed for this community? I wonder where do these infants, as NST put in, are now housed for their preschool education since their kindergarten building has been declared unsafe.

I guess Lassie always do a good job on TV. Afterall, she somehow managed to rescue someone at the nick of time. I wonder the same can be said of this MP. Afterall, if she has a sense of urgency, why put up a fuss? Actions speak louder than words and 6K ain't 140K.

A Merciful Joke

Something is reeking foul in our legal system these days. The powers that be must be sending out a very strong signal that the judiciary alone cannot be trusted to dispense with justice simply because it needed assistance from various parties outside the judiciary system to provide justice when it is due vis-a-vis eyes of the powers-that-be.

Source: http://www.jewishworldreview.com/cols/thomas081898.html

Firstly, those whom the powers-that-be kept ranting as associated with terrorists are arrested under ISA. To top it off, they are detained (without trial) for 2 years. Obviously, if the powers-that-be can't find a suitable solution using the normal route pursued by civil society i.e. via the judiciary system, something must be very wrong or inadequate with the present judiciary system. Afterall, if we hold the tenet "the accused is deemed innocent until proven guilty" must be tried and have a legal representation to defend itself before the charges. To deprive them of that meant that 1) in the eyes of the powers-that-be, they are already guilty and 2) this can be done in such a manner where the tea leaves read danger and threat and the tea leaves reading are publised and made known to the public.

Secondly, the attorney general is getting appeals from the PM to drop charges against those who have been charged with attempted murder in the recent HINDRAF rally. Now, one would have felt the PM is being very merciful to the 31 accused murderers. To be honest, what is the basis of giving them a pardon before being tried? Wait a pardon? I thought it is only dispensed by the King. Afterall, clear separation of power deemed it necessary that the executive be seen to be not interfering directly with the decisions of the judiciary and the one way to give a criminal a new lease of life as a free person is to seek the Yang Dipertuan Agong to pardon that person of his/her crimes. Of course, under the present system, the PM has set a very good precedent to all would be murderers. All you need to say is I was cheated into participating! Imagine if you are the person who almost lose your life doing your job as an enforcement officer, wouldn't you be damn pissed if no one gives a damn about the sacrifices you made in protecting your country interests. To top it of, your plight has been forgotten and it turns into a media spin to make the PM looks merciful. Is this justice?

Thursday 13 December 2007

A dark day has descended

Sadness, despair and lost. The heart yearns for hope yet where hope is, no one knows. The minute trust invested in man has now been proven to be an exercise in futility.

I am sadden by the state of our country. I am sadden when desperate people are put in prison because their words are deemed seditious. Yet, seditious as it might be, why can't our Government trust in the justice system to run its course? Where is the concept of innocent until proven guilty? Where is justice if there is no representation, where there is no trial?

A dark day has descended. Another has been cast aside and yet the silence of our hope is deafening. Brothers have betrayed brothers and courage of men have failed. Oh how dark and how long is the shadow of evil. The counselor we trust is now our harbinger of evil. Snares have been set and the end is nigh to all who stands and fight for justice and truth.








A dark and sad day indeed.








To our brave Malaysians now serving their unjust sentence in Kamunting, I can only offer my prayers. The following lyrics from the song, May it be by Enya, are dedicated to all of you, P.Uthayakumar, M. Manoharan, R. Kenghadharan, V. Ganabatirau and T. Vasanthakumar. You have done all you can and it is now for the rest of the people to continue.

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now


May it be the shadows call

Will fly away

May it be you journey on

To light the day

When the night is overcome

You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Wednesday 12 December 2007

Hearing is one thing, having balls is another

Sometimes I wonder if I am hearing right. I often hear people calling my name on the streets and shopping malls because my two syllable name, when pronounced, is synonymous with very common everyday words used. When I turn my head around to look for the person who called me, I noticed they are immersed in their own conversation, which on occasions give me a kind of irritated look and yes, I don't know them too.

Source: http://www.viewimages.com/Search.aspx?mid=52922330&epmid=1&partner=Google

Anyway, we all heard that our PM said he has big ears. He said that he has been listening all the time and he will deal with the problems and if we are impatient, he is even more impatient. So I wonder when the Bar Council walked on 26 September 2007 to submit two memorandums to the PM, did he listen? Surprise, surprise. After close to 3 long months, the Royal Commission of Inquiry (RCI) has finally been set up. The Yang Dipertuan Agong is expected to receive a report from this RCI in 3 months time to deal with the VK Lingam issue. Though LKS expressed his disappointment with the appointment of Tan Sri Haidar as chairman of RCI citing his disgraceful role in the 1988 judicial crisis and the restricted RCI terms of reference, the Bar Council welcomed the PM announcement. The Malaysian Bar, though hoping for wider scope of inquiry, nevertheless sees this narrower inquiry as a very important and necessary step.

Now one must wonder, what sort of wider scope are both LKS and Bar Council hoping? I believe it is not just restricted to finding out if the tape is authentic, who the person on the tape is and who he is talking to and what mode of punishment is due to these judicial fixers, but rather both hoped the Malaysian judiciary can be cleaned up and a proper judicial appointment commission be established to deal with appointment and promotion of judges. I wonder why the absence on this part? Is it because so de facto name caller insistence that there is no such need resulted in our PM needing to sleep further on it? His ears are afterall big. Might be getting a bit too much sound going in there.

Source: http://jagjit7.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html

One thing for sure is we have to wait for another 3 months to see the outcome of this RCI and indefinite period as to whether their recommendations will be effected. It is interesting to note that the thing this RCI and the previous 3-man independent panel appointed earlier to judge the authenticity of the tape have in common is not just the Lingam tape but the same chairman i.e. Tan Sri Haidar as well. This begs the question as to why is Tan Sri Haidar appointed as RCI chairman for that matter? Also, why is Lee Lam Thye left out with both Haidar and Mahadev appointed as RCI commissioners? This makes one wonder what is actually going on behind the big ears.

From what I observe, if it takes a walk to Putrajaya to yield such cautiously positive results from the powers that be, perhaps one can look forward to the outcome of a 'crisis talk' between a bunch of NGOs and political parties with the PM in relation to recent crackdown on activists and opposition parties. This coalition intends to pursue the agenda of national unity and reconciliation among all Malaysians regardless of race and religion, press on their demands for free and fair elections, and work towards resolving the serious national problems faced.

The ball is obviously in the big ears court to pursue a course which may yet save his reputation. But does he have the balls to do what is right?

Tuesday 11 December 2007

Till our paths cross again

I have worked for numerous organisations which ranges from small local setup with less than 20 to a large multinational global organisation with 100,000 employees. In all of them, without fail, you will find a hierarchy which dictates how things flow from the top to the bottom and from the bottom, feeding information to the top. So like it or not, I always work for a boss. For each and everyone of us we will always have a boss be it a supervisor, a manager, CEO, board of directors or shareholders. A lot of people will tell me that they don't have a boss, they work for themselves. Well, to be honest, your customers are your bosses. Even at home, your wife and/or kids can boss you around. We are basically creatures of servitude whether we admit it or not.

In this kind of relationship, one can only pray and hope that one's boss is not the type that demands for respect out of authority and loves to pick on every little thing you do. I have heard of horrible bosses who goes to the ground not so much to dirty their hands to aid their employees, but rather to dirty their hands to inspect the odometer of their employees' cars to check that their mileage claims are correct. I have even seen bosses who threaten their employees with cancellation of their marriage leave if they can't finish their work in time despite having other people around to assist. Personally, I have been yelled at with foul languages and told to flush my head down the toilet just because my ex-boss can't bring himself to admit that he has overlooked something in the past and it came back to haunt him. I am only a messenger, so please don't shoot me seems all too distant to him when I told him the bad news. I had my fair share but today's story is not about bad bosses.




Rather, I have such high regard for my boss that I am so sad she is leaving my team soon.




Source:http://blueridgeblog.blogs.com/

To be honest, I am very bad at remembering names. As you should know, I have recently join my current employment and I have a problem remembering names. I was introduced to my then future boss but I was only assigned a week later to her. To be honest, I had to ask around to know who she is. How embarrassing right?

She never strike me as a person who commands authority at first glance. Rather, she looked unapproachable if she doesn't smile. I actually think twice at times when I walk down the corridor to approach her. The fact that she sits in a room which directly faces the approaching corridor is, to many, a bad fengshui. Too much bad chi will enter these kind of entrance, some say, though I don't believe in fengshui. Anyway, behind her is a large panel window which allows for morning sunlight to shine on her. Now, if you are walking down the corridor to her room, you only see an image of a person sitting down busy doing her work with bright lights shining on her. That look is certainly imposing to me. But all she needs to do at times is merely to smile and you would feel the warmth emanating from her. Is she for real? Well, I have judged many just by a single first impression and so far, she has been more than real to me.

Source:http://msspnexus.blogs.com/mspblog/2007/01/ten_reasons_emp.html

When I first reported to her I will be working under her, she took her time to sit down and explain my role clearly and patiently. She took me in as her own team even from that instant though I sensed she too, would need a confirmation that I would be able to be a team player. Afterall, a healthy relationship only works if it is both ways. To put it in a more cynical manner, I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

Yet, there is something different about her. Without denying, everyone subscribe to the scratching principle to some extent in one's life. It is only to be expected. Yet, she is principled. She only scratches as far as it doesn't affect her integrity or the organisation's. Also, the way she treats me is less of a subordinate but more of a team player. How is that different, you may ask? Think of it this way, in a team, you have a captain and this captain is my boss. She is there by virtue of appointment by the management who knows she is capable. Yet, she has never worn that big hat that says,"I am YOUR BOSS so do what I say." Rather, she wears a nice cap that says, "I am your boss no doubt but hear me out and think about it. Decide for yourself if the course of action is right." She acts, above all else, a mentor and a guide and she allows us to make mistakes only to the extent that it doesn't hurt us beyond repair.

I remember clearly when I presented my first assignment. I see in her face a sense of disapproval. I am afterall supposed to be experienced but I can see myself faltering as I didn't present it well. Yet she doesn't scold me. Instead, she gave me pointers on what would be helpful to be presented before the upcoming committee meeting. I am grateful yet ashamed. Grateful because she doesn't scold me, ashamed because I did a boo boo. I told her later of course, but her words will always stick in my head, "It is your first case, it is ok." In fact, I would learn later that when there are screw-ups, she doesn't try to find the root causes and go on and on for an hour or more on how to ensure no such future errors will occur, but rather, how to be truthful to the superiors above her and yet present a solution to the present problem. She gave us chances and accepted that we are only human.

Being a person few with criticism yet generous with genuine praises, you can't help but feel happy to have a boss like her. Her criticism when given, is justified and yet not harsh to make the rest of your day gloomy. Instead, I felt compelled to reflect on how not to disappoint her next time because deep down, the trust given is not only earned but cherished.

Importantly, she doesn't mind dirtying her hands to help out. She doesn't mind covering for you to amend your reports when you are not around because you took annual leave. She doesn't delegate it or call you to come back to amend it because she sees her other team members busy with their work. Sure, she has to slog a few more hours past the official working hours and yes, she too has a family, but she knows where she can afford to help, she would. If you somehow lost your words when questioned by your committee on your cases, do not be surprised if she is the first to speak to cover for you. In fact, she has done it on numerous occasions.

Another thing that strikes me about her is that she cares not just for you. She cares for your family too. She is personally interested to know you other half and share your life with her. She once took the whole team out for lunch and told me that the cake sold in that restaurant is delicious. She then bought one and said,"This is for your mom." and smiled.

Some people, after working for years, have a power trip ego. Not my boss. She is so humble yet firm when it affects the integrity of either the company or her. I am so proud to have such a boss. I thank God for her and pray that He will bless her mightily indeed.

Yet, one fine afternoon, we were called to the meeting room under the guise of department meeting. I brought along my pencil and notepad. I forgot my assigned work list. I went back to get it. Then I sat down. She calmly said,"I call this meeting to inform you I am leaving this company." We were shocked. I was dumbfounded. It was only about 4.5 months I have her as my boss. She informed us that she is actually being transferred to the holding company and in her new role, she will be travelling a lot. I see, she is playing with semantics. But the loss is real. She will no longer be our boss. The sense of shock was slowly replaced by loss. She told us how the change will be a relief to her after working in this team for many years. Yet, her eyes betrayed her solemn yet professional look. She too, was sad. Her smile is a front to keep us brave and strong. At that point in time, I can see all her sad faced proteges attempting, yet failing, to put up a brave face and appear cheerful. One literally had tears in her eyes. The other, well, she is as silent as a rock. The sense of loss were profound. The team basically lost the will to work for the rest of day. Our boss told us to keep it under wraps because the management has not decided to inform the rest of the company just yet. She decided to tell us early because apparently some clients know about it and may inevitably ask us. She wants us to find out from her, not from outsiders.

Source: http://www.calvarytemplewayne.com/min_singles.htm

I couldn't blog on that on that day itself since no one is to know other than our team mates. Yet, the sense of loss has never really diminish. It is merely a matter of time when it slowly seeps away, where change is effected and inevitable. I will miss my boss. I am not sure what more can I say. "She is the best I ever had" is kind of corny but honestly that is what I feel. I only hope someday our paths will cross again.

Monday 10 December 2007

The Pretenders

Have any of you dream of becoming someone other than yourself? My best friend once told me that he wished he has a mask where he can be someone other than himself and do whatever he wants to do, without scrutiny or face questioning. I guess in some ways, when we are online, we put on masks. We become someone other than who we often present ourselves in front of our family, friends, colleagues, bosses, customers and such and perhaps, like me, hopes to keep our identity hidden yet somehow wants to reveal apart of ourselves for all to see.

Source:http://personalpropertyregistry.com/PoliceForces.htm

I hide however not because I refuse to be accountable. In fact, many of you would know who I am. I hide because I distrust people at large. Why? I guess when one is hurt before for being gullible and compassionate, one can't help to be wary and cynical. I am one of those fools who got cheated by RM100 for helping out a poor fellow who claimed to have been robbed and he can't get his clothes and personal belongings from the hotel room he rented until he settles his bill. Yes, I am that naive and at that time, I only have RM130 at that moment and I am short of cash for the rest of the month.

I have a heart for the weak and helpless. Easy target in this country I must admit. I once even applied a credit card and take on an insurance policy because I pity this guy who just started out working. He looked like he needed some help to get his career started. For that I stupidly paid about RM2K before deciding to cancel that policy much later. Well, it hurts when one gets into debt for such silly actions and I certainly learn from it. It took me time but I guess I know myself better. I am not saying the credit card + insurance agent is a cheater but I feel cheated out of my own dimwit action. Not his fault really, he is just making a living.

Source: http://www.bloglines.com/blog/Marcus-Lasance

But how would you feel if your identity is stolen? Imagine you wanted to apply for an identification card as you are now of age. The National Registration Department informs you that your identity has been registered by someone else and you are not who you claim to be. How would you defend yourself? How will you tell people that you are John/Jane? Yes you have a birth certificate but so what? The NRD already said your identity has been taken. To top it of, they tell you to apply under a whole new identity. Shocking isn't it? You can't register to study in a school, you can't open a bank account, you can't apply for driving licence, you can't even apply for work and much more. For that matter, how can you go for an interview when the guard asks for your identity card and you tell them you have none? You are no longer you. You might just be a clueless alien with no name. Sadly, this is the story of Siti Rosita Mustapah. To make matters worse, the NRD officer in Sandakan, allegedly out of convenience told this 19 year old lady to just change her identity. Instead of starting a case and investigate and find out who is the real impostor, we read the lackadaisical, sikap-tidak-apa way of doing things. I am sadden. Deeply sadden.

If I am cheated knowingly because I am gullible, stupid and greedy, I know I deserve it. But is this the case for Ms Siti? One must wonder, how secure can our fellow Malaysian feel if who they are as a person can easily be traded and switched around? It is sad, very sad indeed.

I read that NRD Putrajaya will probe into this matter. Well, for Ms Siti and the rest of rakyat sake, NRD must sort out this matter quickly and catch the real impostor. Please charge the impostor, let him/her have a fair and speedy trial. If he/she is an illegal immigrant, please send him/her back to their home nation.

Sunday 9 December 2007

Walking in the morning

I hate waking up early mornings especially on weekends. It is bad enough as I have to wake up at 6.20 a.m. from Mondays to Fridays, what more on weekends? Anyway, today is an exception. Both my friend and I took a stroll down Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman from Sogo Complex to Central Market at 8 a.m. I was wearing a black t-shirt with two yellow strips of yellow. Bad idea. Never wear black if you are going for a walk. Absorbs too much heat. What more for a person like me (yes, I know. I am fat)?

Anyway, lo and behold guess what I encountered? Lots of like minded people were gathering at the same spot. Wow. Is this another Bigfoot's doing?

If you noticed across the road, there is a swarm of police personnel encircled a tiny group of people. I suspect those are the lawyers who decided to continue with the now cancelled, hence illegal People's Freedom Walk.

Now noticed the lady raising a paper placard for the oncoming drivers to read her message? I couldn't read what she wrote and I am only 5 metres away. I suggest using deeper, bolder and darker colours and she should have used a wooden stick to raise her placard. Right now her hands must be tired and it also covered some of the things she wrote. Hmm...


This guy being interviewed here looked familiar to me but I couldn't pin down who he is. My friend said he is one of the Hindraf lead guys. Oh well, I am not sure so I am not going to speculate on it. Afterall, I have hard time proving my Bigfoot theory (it has basis ok since we did disturb his habitat with our state sanctioned "Visit Malaysia Year" promotion and every friendly park rangers leading people to his home). What I wish to highlight though is the presence of large number of reporters who seemed to not be able to get enough of him...:)

Anyway, I estimated that there is about 200 people gathered there (together with the police and the reporters). I am not sure what they are talking about but since I am there, I decided to take some photos. Not too bad shots right? Yes, I am only using my Sony Ericsson W580i.

Anyway, around 8.10 am, the walk started. Apparently, the police gave the green light for them to start marching. Wow. Now I get to walk with 100 odd people...:) Ok, so the 40,000 odd on 10 November 2007 is bigger and yes, I was wearing pink, but hey, at least I have streaks of yellow this time right?

Anyway, as we walked together with the marchers, they stopped next to the Coliseum cinema. It turns out there is a policeman standing there telling them to disperse. He was rattling something about this being an illegal gathering. I wanted to take a picture but those pesky reporters and their camera personnels, who are so happened to be taller, are blocking the view. Oh well, we both decided to continue walking. Just then we heard someone screaming, "Walk! Walk!". The crowd, as though electrified, just walk pass the policeman. I guess in their minds they must have thought this policeman is being illogical since their march have been peaceful and their assembly is constitutional by default per Article 10 of the Constitution of Malaysia. The Constitution should of course be paramount compared to some Police Act. This is afterall the general understanding that ordinary rakyat on the street like you and me would understand.

Anyway, we soon reach the cross junction where Jalan Tun Perak intersects with Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman. We turn left together with the marchers when they are again stopped by the police. These policemen and women are persistent. In fact, we saw many are running from behind. One thing we noticed is absent is the intimidating, baton-meets-transparent shield hitting FRU personnels and water cannon trucks.

As we walk pass them, I decided to turn round to take a look. They looked so little and distant. This is of course different from the 10 November 2007 march where thousands get personal firsthand account of the effects of being sprayed with chemical laced water and fired with tear gas cannisters. Anyhow, I must give credit to DBKL for keeping the streets clean. Good job! I will learn to not grumble when I pay my local council assessments. Coming back to the fate of the marchers, about 30 minutes ago, I read in Malaysiakini that 8 were arrested. I didn't personally witness it as we were both hungry and we want to reach Central Market to maximise our carb burning activity.

Be that as it may, we did stop to take a picture of this beautiful picture of serenity.


Tells you a lot about what we, as a people, can do it we put our hearts and minds into conservation. We finally reached Central Market and decided to go to a place, a food landmark famous for its beef brisket noodles and egg tarts.

It is a nice morning walk. If you have a chance, you should try it. Helps one to refresh one's memory of Kuala Lumpur.

Saturday 8 December 2007

Another crisis in the making?

I am not sure about you but the changing of weather of late is really bad for health. I fell sick since yesterday and thank God I am now on recovery path. Anyway, I find it worrying when I read this news from Malaysiakini posted on 6 December 2007 on Zaki will be CJ in 10 months.

Honestly, how do one get a promotion in our judiciary anyway? What sort of KPIs are set for these judges to determine whether who deserves a promotion and who doesn't? From what I see, it appears that one important KPI a judge need is an UMNO membership. I mean, Zaki is the only judge I know who is clearly an UMNO member and he only took 3 months to move up the ranks to the become the Court of Appeal president since being appointed as a Federal Court judge. Don't they need to assess his performance first like whether he can handle the stress and working requirement of being a Federal Court judge? Wouldn't the judiciary want to see whether this guy is well versed and fair in his judgements before elevating him to be the no 2 man in the judiciary system as he needs to lead more learned and senior judges?

Well, if any of you thinks this is highly unfair as in 10 months time Mr Zaki will most likely to be promoted to the top position, please read the petition written by and posted in People's Parliament. You can then send an e-mail to savethejudiciary@gmail.com with your full name and identification card number. I have sent mine and I hope there will be another walk on this matter as I am looking forward to participate.

Thursday 6 December 2007

When you just feel like screaming

I am mad. Very mad. My adrenaline is now up from a screaming match I had with my friend. Normally, when my adrenaline is up, it is after doing workouts. But this high adrenaline is a biological response to cool myself down from the unnecessarily "discussion" I had. Admittedly, I am wrong to scream but I felt pushed to a corner. I felt very defensive. Perhaps I approached the issue the wrong way but I have that uneasiness and suffocation that comes by the probing and questioning.

The phone was ringing as I was in the middle of maneuvering in between slow moving cars. I hesitated when I saw the number. It is her. I wondered, Should I pick it up?

I did it out of hesitation. In a split second in between deciding to answer the call and answering it, a sense of dread falls upon me. Will she ask me those questions again? Those questions to me felt like a long list of questionnaires she has to fill up week after week.

She: Hi, how are you?

Me: Er... I am ok.

She: So how's things of late? I didn't really have a chance to meet and talk with you.

Me: Er.... Nothing special happened.


Source: http://www.pbar.info/images.html

Before I continue, you must wonder whether this is some sort of insurance sales person making a call right? At times like this, you will probably feel that I have better things to do than have small talks. Afterall, I need to overtake a slow Myvi driver who can't decide whether to be on the left or right lane.

She: Well, I haven't been seeing you around at our gatherings the past few months. Is there anything you would like to share?

Me: Er... I have been busy working. I have deadlines to meet.

She: Every Friday?

Me: Yeah, I have been loaded with cases to do and I have no choice but to work through Fridays.

At this point, I am already regretting answering that call. Why am I so stupid? Why? Why? Why must I put myself on a stage to be examined and questioned? Why? I am not sure but the feeling of being cornered isn't exactly dissipating.

She: Do you find our gathering nowadays unimportant to your life?

This really upsets me. Yes, I have tried my best to avoid her the best I could because of an incident at least 6 months back but to be shoved with this kind of question makes me damn upset.

Me: No. As I have said, I have work. I have deadlines to meet. My clients want their deadlines met. I am under pressure to perform to everyone's expectations. If you honestly feel I should come every Friday just to make up the numbers and I work in the weekends instead, then tell me that.

She (in screaming mode): What do you mean by that? Why are you being so defensive? I never asked to come to make up the numbers. Don't push this sort of blame game on me.....

At this point, I am no longer listening. Pushed to a corner and nowhere to run, I just yelled back. It was a good 10 minutes before both of us decided to stop the call.

Source: http://goldenblogs.blogsome.com/2007/11/08/why-i-hate-usc/

I told her what has been bothering me the last few months. I told her simply that I felt she doesn't really care about me but the main thing it is about making up the numbers. She denied vehemously. She said she just wants to know how's things with me. She talked about accountability, about finding out how's things, about friendship and "I have the right as a friend to know what is going on in your life". She was defensive, that's for sure.

I was shocked. Bewildered by that statement. Right to know? I told her upfront she can probe all she wants but I assured her I will not pick up her calls. I am fed up. Yes, that's your right. Make a call, send a SMS, e-mail, fax or whatever. But I can choose to remain silent. To ignore you for being a nuisance. This is what I felt. If you care as a friend, you would not just call me on a Thursday night to ask me if I am going to the gathering on Friday. If you care, you would send me an e-mail and pour out your concerns outright and let me know what you have been bothered with in your life before you ask me mine. If you know me, you will know that at times, it is not for me to make the first move. You make the first move. I will decide if I want to tango along. But when I hear statements like it is my right to know and you are accountable to me, I am pissed. What right is that? I know you are a lawyer by profession but that doesn't mean I am the accused appearing before the judge charged with some criminal offense.

I stopped listening or even bothered with her defensive arguments. I just outright told her off. I told her what happened months ago that started this attempt of mine to avoid her. Mind you, I was still attending that weekly gathering until perhaps 2 months ago. In fact, the last 2 gatherings I went was specifically because she weren't around and she needed people to be there to run the show. I volunteered if you are wondering. I am not against her. I just want to reduce the questionings I am getting from her. Anyway, back to my 6 months ago story. Basically, I called her to tell her I can't go that Friday because I am tired. I worked late the whole week before that. I just need to go home and rest. My house is situated at the other side of the valley from where my office and the gathering place is. She told me to try to make it. I told her I am really tired and I am not feeling well. She said I can rest somewhere first and then come for the meeting. I told her I can't. She persisted. I got upset. I just insisted and hung up.

My problem is I never confronted her on this matter. If I did think of her as a friend, I know I should. But at that point in time, I felt used. I am no longer a person. I am just a number. She denied it of course but this is how I feel. The sad thing is, everything when she calls/message/e-mail me, it is only about the gathering and asking why can't I make it. Can you blame me for being apprehensive. I just feel cornered. Now I am told my life is open to probing nevermind if there is such thing as privacy.

Wait... I am in Malaysia. Sigh...